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Santa's Health and Safety Essentials

11/12/2018

Like any responsible employer, Santa Claus takes health and safety very seriously. With tens of thousands of elves working aroundthe clock to manufacture presents for 7.6 billion people, in the frankly less than ideal conditions of the arctic winter, keeping his workers safe is a major challenge. His vast industrial operation (rather modestly nicknamed ‘Santa’s Workshop’) encompasses resource extraction, logistics, manufacturing and distribution, most of it taking place in a vast subterranean complex (undetectable by satellites) dwarfing even the most ambitious Bond villain’s lair.

Many challenges are posed by the operation’s location in Lapland, northern Scandinavia. Some people incorrectly believe Santa Claus dwells at the North Pole. However, it ought to be obvious that one can’t set up vast manufacturing facilities on sea ice. In any case, Lapland is a sufficiently challenging place to do business, with a 7 month long winter and snow cover through much of the year and over a month of permanent darkness. Here are some of the Safety First Aid products that Santa uses to protect his employees.

  1. Dynamo Torch

    For most employees, a blown lightbulb is an inconvenience. When your office is underneath half a kilometre of impenetrable rock, it’s a major downer. Fortunately, Santa’s elves are equipped with HypaDrive wind-up torches. These torches are charged by squeezing the handle and require no batteries, which is very handy for a subterranean existence or for expeditions into the polar night. As Santa doesn’t manufacture batteries (they’re not toys), this also saves a 500 mile round trip to the nearest convenience store.

  2. Winter Driving Kit

    Sometimes the elves must venture outside (wearing stilts so they can pass for Finns) to perform maintenance on the exterior ventilation systems of the Christmas Inc. Mega-Workshop. Like Finnish people, elves love to drive enthusiastically (powersliding etc.) in conditions which would bring utter paralysis to the UK. We're not talking six centimetres of snow either - more like 6 feet! But driving in the snow and ice requires some precautions. All Santa’s 4X4s are equipped with our Winter Driving Kit, including de-icer, an anti-mist pad, ice scraper, all seasons screenwash and one of those handy torches, for ensuring good visibility at all times. Also included are foil blankets and vinyl gloves. On their snow mobiles, the elves pack our lightweight British Standard Motorcycle First Aid kits.


  3. Foil Blankets

    The aforementioned foil blankets are an essential item for work in the far north. Cold is a constant hazard. Whether it’s a vehicle breakdown in the snow, an electrical fault in the workshops, or simply a problem with the heater in Santa’s flying time machine, there are many situations which call upon extra insulation, whether it’s for comfort or to stave off hypothermia. HypaGuard Foil Blankets may not look very warm, but in fact they reflect over 90% of body heat, and because they’re so thin they come in handy pocket-sized packets. Foil blankets can also help stave off shock in instances of a traumatic injury.

  4. High-Risk First Aid Kits

    Santa’s operation involves a huge amount of heavy machinery, from forklift trucks to tunnelling machines, and working with some potentially dangerous animals, like reindeer, mammoths and velociraptors.This means working for Santa can be dangerous, even with the most stringent safety protocols in place. Because of the potential for a serious accident, no matter how unlikely, it’s important to have first aid kits on hand with plentiful supplies. Every potentially dangerous part of Santa’s underground complex is supplied with Industrial High-Risk First Aid Kits. These are paired in places with Evolution Catastrophic Bleeds Points, which contain haemostatic dressings and emergency tourniquets for the most serious wounds.

  5. Catering First Aid Kits

    With thousands of employees working in secret, miles from any human settlements, it’s no surprise that Santa’s operation calls for catering on an epic scale. In order to comply to the stringent standards that Santa’s elves have come to expect, his kitchen staff exclusively use Safety First Aid’s catering first aid kits. These include blue detectable wound treatments, ensuring that should a plaster fall into food, it can easily be spotted. A metal strip also ensures that stray plasters can be detected within food production lines. Thanks to these special blue supplies, it has been many years since an elf found a manky plaster in their mince pie.

  6. Automatic External Defibrillators

    Santa’s Workshop has thousands of employees stretched across a vast worksite. Therefore, it makes good sense that, should cardiac arrest strike an employee, there’s an AED in the vicinity to ensure a lifesaving shock can be issued within minutes. Santa also keeps an AED in his sled. Asides from being at elevated risk due to his age, Santa is especially vulnerable due to the rigours which time travel imposes on the body. Whilst not requiring him to appear naked like in The Terminator, the time machine nevertheless produces a large amount of electrical current as it rips a hole through space-time and threads its way through a load of clocks. Fortunately, all his reindeer are well trained in CPR and using a defibrillator - trained by Safety First Aid Training, in fact.

 

We hope that in the year ahead, you’ll be as safety-conscious as Santa and his elves. Don’t forget that whether its first aid, health & safety signs, AEDs, accident books, informative posters, hygiene products or PPE, you’re certain to find what you need in our huge range of thousands of products at excellent prices.

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